Its My Party And I'll Cry If I want To

I had a wonderful birthday yesterday - remind me though to take the day off work next year.

I was woken up bright and early with breakfast in bed made by my wonderful husband and 2 lovely daughters - they were squealing and jumping up and down "open your presents mummy open your presents".

Hang on I say as I'm still trying to open my left eye (it seems to be stuck) and pull the mass of hair that has somehow dredlocked itself overnight - out of my ears and off the back of the bedhead. I also had to ensure that no more saliva was attached to the pillow from the side of my mouth, pull down my pjs which somehow ended up being up near my armpits and blew my nose so I could finally breathe.

Aaghh my family - thats right. I was given a beautiful jewelerry box from the girls which I'd been hinting about for a while and a lovely white platter from Mal that I've had my eye on for ages so that I could serve up antipasto on it etc...So laden with gifts, food and songs I was sent off to work. On the way in I had several text messages from other members of my family wishing me birthday greetings for the day.

I love my birthday - I love the fact that I was born and that birthdays are a day to celebrate your life - your existence - you as a person.....then why oh why did I go to work?????

The minute I walked in I realised no-one remembered my birthday. My desk wasn't trashed and there were no balloons with happy birthday signs and glitter and cards and streamers - just my computer and my 100 files waiting for me to look at. One of the ladies from another department walks in and says "is it your birthday today Jeannie - I remember reading about it on Friday" - I said YES and looked cheerful and happy even though I felt like a sad puppy dog that had lost its way. She said I thought it was - I baked a cake just in case it was - at least someone remembered.

My boss walks in - says nothing, my friend walks in - says nothing....great....Okay Jeannie no pity party's get a grip - its not always about you - then I'm thinking - Yes it is - its the one day a year I celebrate ME!!!! and everyone has forgot and no one trashed my desk.... I make it a huge thing in our department on birthdays to ensure desks are trashed, decorated, morning tea organised, cards signed and little chockies appearing on your desk throughout the day.

So I head off for a department meeting for half hour and come back to find the cake that Sue had made me (bless her cotton socks) stale chips and broken biscuits, melted together tim tams, out of date chockies and dip that was hardened around the sides with water coagulating in the middle - any leftovers that could be found to present a morning tea - with a few balloons on my desk. Happy Birthday they yell - don't cry Jeannie, don't cry - "Its my party and I'll cry if I want to"...but I held off the tears thinking (mum & dad organising party tonight, party tonight - real party with real food and balloons and streamers) and (party at my sisters on weekend - party at my sisters on weekend)....(wonderful breakfast in bed - wonderful family)...

Why is it that you can give out so much to other people and just once a year its time to celebrate your achievements, your successes, your memories and your future but other people can just be so wrapped up in themselves they don't know how to celebrate that with you. I'm not even talking all day - just a couple of hours. Then I realised - these people aren't really my friends - they are just colleagues who I work with - people that know very little about who I am and what my success and achievements are - they haven't travelled with me through my life, seen my ups and downs, cried with me through loss and laughed in times of joy.

It was during this morning tea when I realised how important family are. You can spend your life trying to please other people or impress them or even try to build relationships with them but its your family who love you, who stick by you, who applaude your successes and speak the truth when needed. To this my family - I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

I didn't know how I was going to get through the day, especially after the inlaws rang to say they had forgotten my b'day (mal reminded them the night before) and sitting there saying they couldn't think of anything to buy me and what did I want - grrr - all they had to say was Happy B'day and I would have been none the wiser.

Then not an offer of lunch or even time out for a coffee so I emailed my sister meg and mal and with their funny, quirky and encouraging emails and the promise of wearing a tiara and waving the wand for food and drinks at meg's on Friday - I was able to get through the day - home to family where I knew my heart would be warmed.

I walked through the door of mum and dads and there was my family and balloons, chockies, lollipops, roast dinner - icecream birthday cake with candles and to finish it off cheese and bikkies and loads of pressies - some beautiful earings, a candle holder, flowers, a rug and a beautiful jacket - who could ask for more...I felt loved, appreciated and understood.

Its not about a party or the presents - its just knowing that you are valued and treasured because of who you are!!!

Next year - remind me to have the day off work.......